PR Guru launches new “Press For A Slap” crisis comms service

Nottingham-based PR guru and purveyor of offshoot services that can be “pressed for”, Greg Simpson, has confirmed rumours of his latest opportunistic idea.

Simpson, a former business journalist and published author on PR, will target the new solution specifically for the regional business awards niche, where he feels there is ‘an opportunity to prevent all manner of brand damage with some carefully considered backside covering and proactive placating’.

“Press For A Slap” will help stressed out business owners who feel aggrieved by judging panels or mocked by vaguely amusing comperes at glittering black-tie events.

Simpson’s role will be to help them keep calm in the heart of the moment through a clever combination of more (or sometimes less) wine, the whispering of calming platitudes in the ear as the shortlist is announced and if strictly necessary, the use of his considerable frame to block the aisles.

Speaking about the ruse, Simpson explained;

‘Some have criticised my timing as opportunist but I think that is a back-handed compliment. Look, we’ve all been there. Some of these award submissions have taken time-pressured folk up to 11 minutes to write just before the extended 5pm deadline and that kind of commitment, if overlooked, can vex even the most mild mannered.

‘I will be available for hire on the night or ahead of the event for a more proactive approach to handling this nightmare scenario, afterall, nobody wants to make a big willy of themselves.’